Sometimes anger is a sign of Depression or Bipolar Disorder in teens and other times it’s a natural response to someone crossing a particular boundary. Atlanta psychotherapist, Evan Katz, explained it to me this way: “Teens express individuation by showing their independence from what they “used to be,” (dependent children) to what they “want to be” (independent adults). They express individuality in numerous ways, including: oppositional behavior, going to extremes to stand out (e.g. music, clothes, purple hair, etc.), voicing strong opinions and experimenting. Since the teen is having so many new feelings, life changes and experiences, everything feels out of control. Typically, when anyone feels out of control, they compensate by acting in control, or “controlling.” This is a major expression of their anger.”
Personally, I’ve discovered that underneath my anger is usually hurt feelings. Other times, someone has crossed that invisible line or boundary that they shouldn’t have. When I was younger I’d start to cry if I was angry and this proved especially embarrassing in business situations because I’d lose all credibility. I’ve learned over the years to stay in a more adult place emotionally, but that automatic anger response often comes on faster than your mind can talk you out of it!
Most of us have heard that depression is really anger turned inward and oftentimes anger manifested outwardly is a sign of depression. Many times boys will express a kind of “agitated” depression. I mentioned my son’s anger (he was 14 at the time) to Evan Katz and he said that my son’s anger sounded more like depression. He turned out to be right on target with his suggestion. Be on the lookout for temper tantrums or a constant sullen, negative attitude as signs of depression. One of the lesser known facts about adolescents who have Bipolar Disorder is that they don’t exhibit typical “manic” behavior. They will often have very angry outbursts which result in physical action; punching a hole in a wall, throwing things around their room, damaging property. Anger that goes on an unreasonable amount of time or frequent episodes can be an indicator of Bipolar Disorder, especially if there’s a family history of it.
If your child’s anger has become consistently destructive; to themselves and those around them, this is a red flag that your adolescent is out of the normal teen angst and anger zone. Try to get them to talk about what’s bothering them and if it’s beyond your knowledge or expertise, seek professional counseling. Conciously or unconsciously, your child is crying out for help by being angry, very difficult or delinquent.
Finally, if a child ever suggests ending his or her life, or if friends suggest this, call a licensed mental health professional immediately! You can also take your child to a hospital emergency room or psychiatric hospital. If necessary, call 911. It’s always better to err on the side of safety. Now with all that said, I’m going to go do a little old-fashioned therapy by grabbing a plastic bat and hitting a pillow!
We are happy to have Lisa Henderson of Teens Talk Truth join us as a guest blogger. She has first hand experience of the struggles of raising teens facing pressure to fit in. You can learn more about Lisa and Teens Talk Truth on Twitter andFacebook.
31. October 2011 at 5:28 pm
I wish I would’ve read this article a few years ago…when my son was 14 and going through some major anger issues as well as depression. Now he is 19 and much better…he has matured so much…and learned to control his anger and outbursts. Not to say he never gets angry…but much less often and MUCH less intense. Thank you for this information. I’m going to repost. Hopefully there is a mom or dad out there that will read it and it will make a difference in their lives!
1. November 2011 at 7:02 am
Thanks so much for your affirmation and I, too hope it will help another parent. I’m glad both of our sons are on the other side of this!
6. November 2011 at 10:09 pm
Yep Lisa, you hit the bullseye when you said anger is usually caused by our hurt feelings or feeling of lack of control. Babies cry when they are hurt, while adults get angry. Anger is truly a sign of weakness. Question is why is it so easy to hurt our feelings? Ultimately, it is we who are resposible for getting angry, aren’t we? The key is to examine one’s own anger, see where it comes from, how it manifests. This will in turn make it easier to understand others and help them more effectively. Take care!